Vulnerability and Trust

The common thought is that the more we trust someone, the more vulnerable we can be in front of them. For instance, in front of close friends, we might choose to perform karaoke, even though we would never do that around strangers.

However, the relationship between vulnerability and trust is much more complicated. It turns out that when we become vulnerable in front of someone, we wind up trusting them more. Once we trust them more, we can be more vulnerable. In that way, trusting relationships are built and reinforced.

This relationship between vulnerability and trust is why people bond after traumatic experiences, such as being held hostage together, or skydiving. It's also why camps do silly icebreakers. If we are comfortable acting foolishly in front of others, people are more likely to trust us and become vulnerable themselves. This is how thriving groups are formed.

At camp, our goal is for children to form strong, trusting bonds with other campers and staff. Since vulnerability is a prerequisite to trust, we can take some shortcuts to build trust with children. For a homesick camper, can we share a personal story from our past when we had a difficult time leaving our parents? Can we use a similar strategy for a camper struggling to succeed athletically or socially?

Wherever life takes us, trusting relationships are vital to success. For trust to form between two people, one person has to be the first to take the leap and become a little vulnerable. This is never an easy thing to do! If we remember that the initial discomfort may result in a meaningful, trusting relationship, it can become much more palatable to take that first, risky step.

When we think about trust and vulnerability, it is important to remember that these things will develop over time - oftentimes very slowly. We don’t want to jump right into the deep end and share our darkest secrets immediately! That’s called oversharing, and it can push people away. We start out slowly, and as trust builds, we feel more comfortable sharing more intimate details.

Discussion Questions

• How can we create an environment where children feel comfortable making themselves vulnerable beginning on the first day of camp?
• Where is the line between making ourselves vulnerable to our campers and oversharing?
• Can you think of a time when an authority figure, like a teacher, shared something personal? How did it make you feel?