A Small Shift in How You Compliment Changes Everything

"Great job!"

You've probably said it a hundred times. To your kids. To your team. To a friend who just finished something impressive. It feels good to say. It feels good to hear.

But here's the thing: most praise is wasted. Not because we don't mean it, but because we're praising the wrong thing.

The Study That Changed How We Think About Praise

Psychologist Carol Dweck has spent decades researching what makes people persist through difficulty. Her work on growth mindset revealed something counterintuitive about how praise shapes behavior.

People with growth mindsets believe that intelligence and skill can be developed over time. When they fail a test, they think, "I performed poorly." People with fixed mindsets believe intelligence is set in stone. When they fail, they think, "I am a failure."

See the difference? One is a temporary setback. The other is a verdict on your identity.

Here's where it gets interesting: the kind of praise we give can push people toward one mindset or the other.

The Baseball Example

Imagine a kid learning to hit a baseball. She's listened to her coaches, practiced diligently after school, worked on her stance, and now she's up at bat during the game.

She swings. Line drive. Caught by a diving fielder.

Did her effort disappear because the ball landed in a glove instead of the outfield grass? Of course not. She did everything right. The outcome was out of her control.

Now imagine a naturally talented kid who barely practices. He steps up to the plate and crushes a home run. "Great hit!" everyone shouts.

What did we just teach him? That talent is what matters. That results are the measure of value.

But here's what happens over time: the first kid, if praised for her effort and preparation, keeps improving. She develops resilience. When she fails, she adjusts her approach and tries again.

The second kid, praised only for outcomes, becomes fragile. The first time he struggles, he doesn't have a framework for working through it. He was told he was great, so failure feels like an identity crisis.

What This Looks Like at Work

I see this play out with teams all the time.

A staff member spends weeks developing a new program. They research, they plan, they build something thoughtful. Then external circumstances tank the results. Low attendance, bad weather, timing that didn't work out.

If we only acknowledge outcomes, that person learns to play it safe. Why take risks when only results get recognized?

But if we notice the process, the creativity, the persistence, we build people who keep swinging. "I saw how much thought you put into that design. The turnout wasn't what we hoped, but the approach was solid. Let's figure out what we can adjust."

That's a conversation that builds people up instead of tearing them down.

The Two Caveats

This doesn't mean praising effort for effort's sake. If someone is banging their head against a wall with a strategy that clearly isn't working, telling them to "try harder" is demoralizing. The point is to praise effective effort, smart strategies, and the willingness to adjust.

And successful people need recognition too. When someone hits a home run (literally or figuratively), don't stay silent. Just add something about what was under their control. "Great presentation. I could tell you really prepared for those tough questions."

One Small Shift This Week

Next time you're about to say "great job," pause for a second. Ask yourself: what specifically did this person do that I want to see more of?

Then say that instead.

"I noticed you stayed late to help the new hire get oriented. That's the kind of thing that makes our team work."

"You handled that frustrated parent with real patience. That's not easy."

"The way you broke down that problem before jumping to solutions was really smart."

Same amount of time. Same intention. Completely different impact.

Praise the effort. Watch people grow.

About the Author

Matt Kaufman has spent 40 years in summer camp as a camper, counselor, and director, studying what makes people belong, grow, and thrive. He writes about intentional community, leadership, and the intersection of technology and human connection.

Connect with Matt:

• Instagram: @mattlovescamp

• LinkedIn: Matt Kaufman

• Website: ilove.camp

Books by Matt Kaufman:

• The Campfire Effect: How to Engineer Belonging in a Disconnected World (February 2026)

• The Summer Camp MBA: 50 Leadership Lessons from Camp to Career